Category Archives: Uncategorized

November lights and overcoming fears

I painted this painting, during the Autumn when we were first starting out Taekwondo practice. November that year was extra slushy and the Mondays that we walked to practice were dark. I was fascinated with the red backlights of cars, how they lit up the dark sky and how my solar plexus felt, watching the red glow. I wanted to explore the persistence it takes, to keep moving in wet and dark, to do the work it takes to bring a project to its completion. This painting project was imprinted with memories from Taekwondo practice, the walk there and back, through the mushy wet snow, the darkness and the red lights.

Now, three years later, on Sunday, the most part our family is taking part in the next Taekwondo belt exam. It is on my mind a lot. With every belt, the pressure to perform well increases. During the three years we have been practicing, I have also had a chance to watch my story about myself and my body change many times.

When I started out, all the inner stories about being clumsy and not sporty enough to start martial arts were activated. A beginner of almost forty years! Our group was practicing in the school gym, with the other parents watching us learn. Their witnessing exacerbated my feelings of inadequacy.

During the practice sessions, the most difficult thing, if you didn’t take my bad coordination into account, was overcoming my upbringing to be a good, polite and sweet girl. When I tried to kick a teacher on command, I found myself falling backward. Punching felt like I was doing something wrong and dangerous. I didn’t have the first inclination to block a punch when it came towards me, I just stood there and watched it approach.

It seemed my mind and beliefs were blocking my body at every turn.

Despite being so far from my comfort zone that it felt like I was on a new planet, I continued going to training together with my children. My fear, stories, discomfort and occasional feelings of humiliation felt much less important than what I wanted to learn. I started enjoying the kicks and punches, learning the techniques that made them effective.

I still don’t feel that I’m especially good at Taekwondo, despite my love for it. But I notice that my stories about being afraid of the training sessions are starting to feel faded, as if they’re not quite reality anymore. What feels vital and alive is that my body is starting to understand how my hips are creating the explosive speed of the kick. The feeling after training, when both halves of my body are in sync is more essential than the hundreds of revisions I need to make during every training session. The joy of what my body can do is more important than my attachment to the discomfort that I need to overcome to keep training.

I’m writing this with a wide sweep of compassion, for how difficult it is to feel the whole range of your discomfort and then do what you need to do to bring your dream just one step forward. The encouraging fact is that this one step at a time is enough. It is more than enough. Because you are braving it, you are doing it. You don’t let fear stop you, you keep moving onward.

Hope for when you feel lost in the woods

 

Introducing the painting “Room of secrets”.

In this video I talk about those times when you feel lost in the woods, and how the frustration of those times pushes you to seek the support you need. With that help, the secrets inside of you start to open and turn into fruit of aliveness. (I am sorry that the video ends so abruptly.)

Order cards, prints or framed prints of this painting and others:

By clicking this link.

Buying a painting:

When you’re interested in buying a painting for your space, you can schedule a complimentary call (through Skype) or visit at my studio in Helsinki, Finland. Send me an e-mail: marie@crealife.fi . During the call or visit, you have a chance to see paintings, ask questions and tell me what you want for the room you want a painting for.

Harvest time

I hope you’re enjoying your Thursday. Today I’m a bit under the weather, so I just wanted to bring you this painting. It’s about that harvest time in your life, when you can start to see and enjoy the results of all those high hard choices you made, years ago. <3

Our dreams come true are always imperfect

Heavy Metal Hamster, 61×50 cm, mixed media on canvas, 2015.

When our dream comes true, the real work begins. What is involved in “living the dream”? What does it feel like, look like, taste like, smell like really, living in your own skin? The question: “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” is probably one every Dreamer comes across sooner or later.

Let’s start from the beginning: The Dream

When dreams are spoken of, what always comes first to my mind is love. When I was twelve, the summer before going to Secondary School, I found a book called “The Bridge Across Forever” in my small rural Elementary School library. Small dust angels were dancing in sunlight, as I flipped through the pages that seemed to have a life of their own. The blue covered book was written by Richard Bach, who was looking for his Soulmate and found her. Reading this true story filled me with wild hope and a piercing longing. Could there be someone in the world who were also thinking about soul, reincarnation, fairies, life magic (Remember, this was a small Finnish village in the 90’s). I made a solemn promise to find my soulmate.

The Dream comes true

Fast forward seven years, Autumn. A motorcycle man asked me for a ride on his sky blue motorbike and I realized I was in love with this bearded friend of mine, whom I had met years ago. We started talking on the phone every night and it was so lovely talking to him, I found myself falling asleep to his voice, only waking when the phone was awkwardly pressed against my cheek and his voice was calling out “Marieeee, Marieeee, did you fall asleep Sweetie?”.

But love was other things also.

The rimy, glacial fear of hurting him. That we wouldn’t work out. Astringent fights, when we were staggering toward each other, feuding our way through the communication thickets of our childhoods back toward each other, toward love. We still laugh tenderly sometimes, remembering all the tissue paper that was spent during these arguments of our early days together. And then the sharing of everyday life. Eating pea soup and sleeping next to each other. Morning face. Stomach flu.

The work of shattering illusions

That first year, I felt like every scene from every love movie I had ever seen was taken apart. When he confessed that he didn’t like romantic walks in the woods. Or anywhere. He felt uncomfortable in cafĂ©s. Restless watching movies together. When we went out for candle light dinners, we couldn’t wait to get back home. I couldn’t bare to hear one more technical apparatus analyzed and explained down to its smallest parts and functions even one. more. time. And when I got hurt by something he said, although I knew by now, he never tried to intentionally hurt me, I just couldn’t release my body from its fetus position cast in iron.

My thirty square-meter aparment became a battle field where love fought fear every day. Again and again. Ad infinitum. Love wasn’t burning lava, Romeo and Juliet, but it was the Bluest Sky. And I had to learn to open up and let down my defenses. I needed to learn to trust a man and allow love to enter my life. With no guarantees of success.

My Dream demanded that I trust in myself and my love. That I accept both as they are, as well as myself. These days, I believe all dreams are imperfect and eccentric, just like we ourselves. They are our dreams, because they are a magical mixture of the good and bad that we can live with, that we need to grow.

We need the grit and screech in our dreams, the hard parts. They are what keep us turning back to Source, back to our soft hearts, back to each other.

The breaking down of illusions can be painful work. If you’re at a place in your creative dreams, where you need support, consider joining me for an Open Art Studio day at my studio in Helsinki. Send me an e-mail at marie@crealife.fi , if you’re interested in that. If the heart of this painting speaks to yours, it is available here, or you can order prints from here.

To buy a work of art is an intimate project. The artwork will enter your home or workspace, and it is essential that the painting meets you on a heartlevel. If you are looking for art that speaks to you and feel called, we can set up a meeting by Skype, or at my studio in Helsinki, Finland. The essence of the encounter is to explore what kind of art would serve you the best right now. Our meeting is completely complimentary and is an inspiring event in itself, designed to support your creative dreams. Let’s set it up by e-mail at: marie@crealife.fi

It’s my dream, it’s here, why am I avoiding it?

Art Studio, akrylic on canvas, 61×50 cm, 2015.

Something New

I am starting a new blog series, that I hope will give you fuel toward your creative dreams and expressing all that you are. These blogs will have a painting from my art collection Dreammaker, Heartbreaker and stories from that may be pertinent for sensitive and strong dreamers. If you feel so inspired, you will also find information on how to buy the original painting or a print. These texts will be published every other Thursday.

My Dream Has Come True, Now The Big Easy Begins, right?

The creative dream can sometimes be so very heavy. It can be almost scarier to get a chance to do it, than to keep yearning, doing a tidbit here, a little bit there. Doubts arise, fears start hissing in your ears.

“Is this really what I want?”

“What if I give it my all and fail?”

“What if I’m not talented?”

What if nobody cares about what I do but me?”

Building a Dream Studio

I painted this painting in 2015. I was loosing my lines. Form could not contain the colors that my art wanted to make visible anymore. I had received a Big Donut (this is what Amanda Palmer calls unexpected windfalls that support your dreams) and I had rented a basement studio. It was dank. Dirty. Had no daylight. And it was Mine.

For weeks, I dragged my paintings from different nooks and crannies to my basement space. They were in cupboards, under beds, behind clothing, in the Engineers office, at my Dad’s. The first time I had all my creative orphans gathered I burst into tears. So much time spent hiding from my everyday life, painting almost in secret.

Despite this I found myself sitting in our living room, fourteen stories above my waiting studio, days at a time, watching every tv-series I could find, hiding away from artmaking. This simply made no sense. All these years, fighting and struggling to free my creative voice, and now that there was every chance to make something happen, I was hiding away.

The Engineer, my husband, finally got tired of my skulking around. He took my hand, walked me with baby steps to the elevator and baby steps to the studio door. He waited outside for me to close the door, before he left. Those first hungry, insecure, wild eyed weeks, he used to bring me mashed potatoes with chilli to the studio, so I had no excuse to get out.

The Perspective of Time

Almost three years later, these times are merely a short bump in the road, instead of an insurmountable block. It is however good to remember, that it’s not just making dreams come true that needs support. We need a whole lot of self-care, gentleness and compassion, living our dreams. And sometimes even more than when we were struggling to make them come true, because living our dreams is supposed to be a happy occasion.

But when dreams become everyday life, everything changes. You start exploring what your dream looks like, from the inside – and that’s where the rubber hits the road. More about that next week.


I have so much compassion for the beginning artist I was then. And if you know this story, in your heart, I have so much compassion for you. We all need a gentle nudge sometimes. If you’re at a place in your creative dreams, where you need a nudge, consider joining me for an Open Art Studio day at my studio in Helsinki. Send me an e-mail at marie@crealife.fi , if you’re interested in that. If the heart of this painting speaks to yours, it is available here, or you can order prints from here.

To buy a work of art is an intimate project. The artwork will enter your home or workspace, and it is essential that the painting meets you on a heartlevel. If you are looking for art that speaks to you and feel called, we can set up a meeting by Skype, or at my studio in Helsinki, Finland. The essence of the encounter is to explore what kind of art would serve you the best right now. Our meeting is completely complimentary and is an inspiring event in itself, designed to support your creative dreams. Let’s set it up by e-mail at: marie@crealife.fi